I hate it when I am being ignored, but most of all, I hate it when I say is being ignored

What a far cry for my psychology lab today as compared to my seminar yesterday. I am feeling really pissed right now, so I am gonna take this entry to vent it all out. Sorry for those who have to put up with this post. More positive entries to come, I promise.

I came to my lab feeling quite happy. Then I saw my groupmate, who seems not to acknowledge me the moment I came in. Right, never mind, I took the initiative to talk to her. I didnt know how to start, so I just used the most basic qn. The Weather. Since it has been hot these past few days and now it starts to rain and its cold, I asked" a screwed up weather ya?" and her reply was "uh-huh" and was just quiet the whole way through. Fine, I thought. There's no point trying to initiate another conversation, so I just kept quiet. Then my another groupmate came and she started chatting and talking to her.

Before the lesson started, I heard them discussing about the ethics application that we just handed in. Then that groupmate started to say "oh, Nicole put it in but I took it out cos i thought it was wrong." We got our comments back, and a lot of the things that I've said or put in the human ethics form was actually on the comments, which, MY GROUPMATES TOOK IT OUT COS THEY DIDNT REALLY THINK IT WAS CORRECT OR RATHER THEY DIDNT THINK IT WAS IMPORTANT. Bloody hell. There are 2 things I got out of this. First, I didnt really think I felt like part of the group from day 1. Maybe its becos I didnt really have a stats background, which was quite important when we did my proposal. But I did try my darnest best to contribute to anything I could; writing the application form, doing the refrences, editing the consent form and doing the discussion of my proposal. And guess what? They deleted it because they felt it wasnt important, which brings me to my second point. It means that what I say doesn carry any weight at all! Ah, I did my ethics application when I was doing 310 last year and of cos I know what should be put in and what should not be put in!

I cant feel my level of "piss-ness" (If there is such a word) going down anytime soon. This isnt the first case. On numerous occasions, I find that when I say something, no one seems to respond to anything I say. When having casual conversations with a group of friends, when I say something, everyone just keeps quiet and then change to another topic. Or when I say something, no one responds to what I say. It really pisses me off, even thought I just let it go afterwards. I am beginning to question the way I say things. Do I not put a strong stance to what I say? Or is it just that they hate what I say? Or they think that "oh, what nic says doesnt make any sense and ah, I dont really have to reply to what she says?"

I really have no idea. AFter this post, you guys better remember that I hate being ignored when I say something and you dont respond. And after this entry, I realise sometimes when I say things, it does actually carry some weight, especially when it comes to group work. Call me proud, haughty, stupid. Whatever. I dont really care. What I need to do now is just to let this one go... Ugh...

most interesting psychology seminar I've ever had

Just came back from the most interesting psych seminar I've ever attended. Had to blog about it immediately when I came back.

I love psychology. I love being able to share psychology stuff with my classmates. Given that I am a highly extroverted and neurotic person, which means I have a low level of arousal and I need to be highly excited about stuff constantly (something which I have learnt in this unit), I cant just stand reading a book and absorb it all by myself. I love to share my thoughts with other people, and being able to hear about others' perceptions, espically on social, developmental and abnormal psychology issues. It ticks me to know about why others behave the way they do.

I came across this very interesting point that my seminar leader pointed out. He asked," research has shown that monozygotic (identical) twins that are reared apart have similiar characters than monozygotic twins that grows up together. Do you know why?" I was perplexed. Its a good point. Shouldnt twins who grow up together be exposed to the same environment, hence both genetics and environment plays a part in shaping the twins' personality? My classmate then pointed out that there is a need for a twin to establish its own identity when reared together. Yeah, that's right, I thought? Which twin would want to live on his/her twin's shadow? Oh, arent you 's twin? You both are out-going, can play fantastic football etc etc?

The seminar went on interestingly. We were learning about evolutionary theory and how it affects our personality. When my classmate was mentioning about the mating behaviour of males and females and that guys have sex with numerous partners because of the need to ensure that they are able to produce offsprings with genetic makeups similar to theirs while women look for that one guy in order to ensure stability, I blatanly pointed out that my friend once mentioned to me that guys have numerous sperms and they want to give as all out as possible, hence looking for numerous partners to release as much sperms as possible, while women only have one egg, hence they would do their best to hold it and therefore look for only that one guy to fertilise their egg.

The discussion went on which got more and more interesting. My seminar leader could even tell us that the shape of a man's penis could actually determine the personality that we have (haha, I shall not post it on my blog due to parental advisory, but no worries, you can always ask me about it :P) the whole class got more and more excited. Then we got carried away and went on to talk about the types of contraceptives and how it screws up a woman's menstrual cycle, my classmate, who was presenting on the topic became really excited and began to actively discuss his sex life with us. Damn, can you imagine being excited with a presentation to a class? Something that you are really interested in? Man, it got me attentive for one seminar of my life.

Given that I was going to blog about my mid "double-degree" life crisis, I really began to appreciate doing psychology, or choosing to do personality psychology as one of my topic for a research unit. I was lamenting to a friend of mine that doing a double degree got really hard, and that I cant find anyone that is doing the same double degree that I have (who in the right mind would want to do psychology, accounting and finance when they are not even related?) which leads to a high chance of not knowing anyone in the unit that I am doing now given that most of my friends have already done that unit. There goes the headache of not being able to find a friend for an assignment partner, and another problem, which is to work in a whole group of aussies. It can get really nerve wrecking at times, with differential cultures of doing things, to put it in simple terms. There are many times which I wish I hadnt done it, but after today, I thought, hey! I've got a chance that many people dont have. Why not embrace what I have now and rise up to the challenge? Double degree means uni work gets doubly hard, so why not accept the challenge? I might find that I'll come across learning new things, making more progress which I think others will not have. And graduate having double more knowledge, being doubly more work- smart (I hope) and having double more exposure to different fields in life. Doing psychology definitely keeps me sane in doing my double degree. Well, at least more interesting than whether the directors of a company can lawfully reject a share transfer (Who cares? At least I dont..) and what kind of good accounting information system can a company have (Yiks, I hate AIS).

Oh yeah, and as of today, I finally found one person to do the AIS assignment. And guess what? She's also doing the same double degree that I'm doing (psychology, accounting, finance). Woo hoo! Phew, I'm not the only weird person doing it...

心好痛

心好痛.
觉得和最亲的人都谈不来。
可能是我做错了设么；
很想补偿，也开始了第一步，
可是，总没有得到设么回应。
真让我难过，很伤心。
要这么办呢？
几乎每天都见面。
没有办法躲避，
如果不能躲避，要这么面对呢？
有人能告诉我吗？
我很想知道。

Cottlesloe Kumon

I seem to run out of titles for each blog entry. Cottlesloe Kumon shall it be since its my 1st day at work there. I took a bus and got to scotch college at 3 pm. I thought I immediately found the place. I asked the reception there where the music centre was, and they told me to go upstairs. I went up one level and saw a few music rooms, exactly the ones that I saw in Yahama and Christofori. Can you imagine? A music centre in a school! Cool! If only sec schs in spore have that. Anyway, I went up to the music hall. It was like the hall of my sec sch, only a bit smaller. NO one was there and I found it quite weird. I called my supervisor and told her I was at the music hall. She says that I am not there cos she is there already. Then I realised I went to the wrong school. It was supposed to be scotch junior school. She gave me the directions, and being the smart girl I think I was, I went via a short cut. I reached the Junior School but it was so big and I just couldnt find the music school. I called the supervisor again and told her what I saw. She told me to walk straight on. While walking along, I saw many bags being hooked along the corridor. Apparently, all the pri sch kids there carry the same school bag. I wonder if they know which bags theirs is. Anyways, I followed the directions and got to keys house, a boarding house in that school. Kumon is oppp the house, but no matter how I walked, I couldnt reach the music room. I then walked out to the main room. Talked to my supervisor for 2 mins but I still couldnt get my bearings. So I decided to follow her directions as she said, and I walked one whole big round again. Alas, after 5 mins, I found that place. The music room is huge, like twice the size of my music room in my secondary school. I immediately fell for that place. I saw an electric guitar with an amplifier, and a 5 piece drum there. Mind you, its a primary school. THey learn drums and guitar there? I wish I had done my secondary school at scotch college. Damn. To think I have such a hard time finding a drum school, or a music school for that matter of fact in Perth, as there are little and all out of the way. I finally saw my supervisor. She's defintely friendlier and more easy going than my current supervisor at dalkeith. THere I met this assistant, Nick. He is so cute. Alas, one cute guy from where I work... and I later learned that he's a writer (wow, I bet he must be this emotional and good looking guy that would melt my heart). Anyways, (haha, I cant help but deviate) he introduced me to the other assistant whom I am supposed to replace (Shucks, I cant rem her name. She's doing engineering in UWA and knows some of my engineering friends too. Kumon cottlesloe has more australians and my 1st kid was an australian boy. I think he's only 3 or 4. WHen I took him, he was crying and he was telling his mum how tired he was and how he didnt want to do anything. THe other girl and I had to comfort him and tell him not to cry. Poor boy. When I was left alone to deal with him, I told him that I was tired too and there are 2 people doing work together now. He smiled when he heard that. Woo haa! Now I could slowly coax him into reading words to me. It was quite challenging though, becos everytime he read or wrote something, he would tell me things like "I'm going to a party later"Haha, he's sooooo cute. I had to push him to do work as his mum told us to get his class work done in half an hour's time. Nevertheless, it was all good. There werent as many ppl as there was in Dalkeith. Didnt feel so presurized. Ended early as I was the only one that took the bus. I didnt even have to pack up.

I like Kumon Cottlesloe everything. A cute colleague, drum sets and electric guitar which I would love to play like 30 mins before kumon starts? haha and cute, although challenging students. Cant wait for next tue :)

what if my intution is wrong... or has it been wrong all along?

Went to Yanchep national park today. It was raining and the lake tour was cancelled. Wanted to sit on the row boat which could just fit me and 5 other friends. Nonetheless, got a glimsp of yanchep which I had never been before. A good outing before my proposal, which is due on monday.

Have you ever felt that your intuition might be wrong? In certain situations you seem to feel so right about your feelings but alas to find out that it isnt so. Has it ever dawned on you that you might have made wrong choices 2 years ago which resulted in consequences that you never liked at all? That all you can do now is try and make your current situation as happy as possible? That's how I feel right now. I cant say how, and dont ask me why, for I wont tell.

On another note, Love seems to be in the air. One cousin whom I've never heard of having a gf before just got married a few months ago, another cousin spotted holding hands with a guy, and 2 of my mbgug friends got attached this semester. When will cupid start to like me? I now have 2 thoughts; either my heart is set for self-destruction or cupid hates me. Well, we shall see...

For the moment, back to studies, more hours of work and mcw... all these will be sufficient for now. Or will it ever be?

a balanced life? And more hardworking?

I survived last night but I wasnt able to survive today's psych seminar. I was a few minutes late and I was clueless about what my seminar leader was talking about. All the stats, multiple regression, MCOVA (what are all those?) And worse of all, we've got to do all our experiment on SPSS (the most unfriendly stats programme i've ever seen...eeks...) We've got to the discussion part where we have to discuss our proposal for our experiment which is due next mon. I have no clue whatsoever as to what my other group mates are saying. They seem to have decided what to put in which I wasnt aware of. And in the midst of discussion, they were talking about random stuff which I cant engage in (they're all aussies) cos I dont seem to understand what they're talking about. Right... One of them even had the method section written already. What the? And I dont even know what I have to write about the discussion section (I'm supposed to write that).

I can forsee myself having difficulties in this unit. Guess I have to work doubly hard. Nah, triply or a gazillion more times harder.

Was doing on television commercials for my psych unit today(the most interesting tute hw i ever had, just rating commercials on tv; finding out if there are any sex sterotypes in commercials; yes there is... men or men voice-overs always appear in car and bank ads, whereas women are mainly in household products) when i got hooked to "Honey, we're killing the kids". Its something like "the nanny" whereby experts help parents change their kids' lifestyles and improve their relationship with their children.

A few things that were changed in the kids' lifestyle:
Eating breakfast.. apprarently it helps us to remember better and have better concentration
Join a sport... If we do not exercise more than 2 hours a week, our life expectancy will be much shorter
Have enough sleep... A 12 year old boy needs 10 hours of sleep??? seriously? I would love to have that too...

Come to think of it, I havent done the above 3. Am starting to get really worried. Or am I not? Its good.. them working as a family. Their family relationship have defintely improved. Damn, I wanna help those families too... That's why I took up psych.. nonetheless, I wish to be in the show too, so that my lifestyle can be changed too.. Be changed and change too, that's what I hope for myself.

When will I ever do what I like to do? And have what I want? And live according to what life has for me? I may never have the answer. Maybe god will provide. Soon enough, I hope.

research at 3 45 am on the 16th of August

Greetings at 3 45 am in the morning of the 16th Of August. Nicole Lee Shu Hui is still doing her research for her proposal which she has to contribute at tomorrow's group meeting. She just spent 3 hours doing her company law tutorial which is also on tomorrow as well. Nic regrets not doing any work the past week, but she cant seem to be able to study, esp doing lotsa readings. She forsees she will get sick of reading in a month's time. Haha, that's when all her assignments are due. Wish her luck. She also had a hetic day at kumon yesterday (yeah, that's where she is working in aus right now). The kids wanted her attention for the whole duration she's working (3 hours... it can really drain a person out... kids can be a handful...) and best of all, after she got home from work, she cut herself twice while opening the luncheon meat can and getting the luncheon meat out.

The only good thing that comes out of this entry is, her supervisor asked her if she could work on tuesday at another kumon centre. She is happy, because she just got rejected for her application to work in coles (that's a huge supermarket in perth, and she screwed up her online test; yes, she cant believe it, there is an online test to see if u can work as a cashier???)

Now, she has to get back to her research. Damn, she has a 5 straight hour class from 11 am to 4 pm tomorrow. The question is, will she be able to survive tomorrow without falling asleep and losing concentration? Stay tuned to find out... If she's still awake and running tomorrow, she'll let you know in an updated entry. If not, stay tuned... She will be back sometime soon...

I hate readings...

Its the 3rd week of the semester... apologies for not updating my blog frequently. Have been in the stoning phase.. I have tons of readings this semester, especially for psychology. Its interesting, but I just cant seem to be able to read. Sometimes it takes me 1 min just to read one sentence. Someone just told me "Just keep reading. It'll get better".

On another note, things in semester 2 is looking up, just like the past 2 semesters that I've been before. Defintely looking forward to watching Australian idol every sunday. Plus, being in promotions for mutlicultural week and going to the suburbs on thurs, city on fris and sometimes on sat helps to pass time definetely. Enjoyable and learning new things everyday. Not to mention working in kumon on monday afternoons for 3 hours and the possibility of looking for another job!

right... gonna keep reading now... Stay tuned for more updates!