Library

The reid library has been my favourite hangout place for the past week. It's where I get the most productivity from studying. Though I can only spend at most 5 hours studying each day, it beats staying at home and not get anything done at all. When I am bored, I can go kacau suyen, bernice, liying, shireene & Lisan, my studying buddies in reid.

I saw Jasmine's blog when she talked about me mentioning that we all have to deal with issues no matter what and taking the effort to fufil our goals. Sometimes, it really helps to have someone there for you. Someone to ask you how your day is everyday. Someone to keep you going, to remind you about what your goals are. Someone to encourage you. Someone to talk to when you need someone to talk to. Someone to accompany you for lunch. Someone to accompany you for dinner. Just someone to be there for you. I can't find that someone. Can't seek solace in parents, friends too busy to listen blah blah blah. You can read it and take it as me just complaining. Or you can say you leave messages in my blog, comments etc. But where are you when I need you? When I need a shout out, when you can sense that I need someone to talk to. When you can sense that I am upset, when you can sense I could need company for lunch. Where were you? When you could be just a few steps away, when you could just be a phonecall away, when you are just 10 mins walk away. Granted, we all have to deal with issues. BUt when its time you need someone to keep you sane, you can't find anyone. And maybe you just think that this person keeps you sane (i.e, you make up that this person keeps you going and sane, and when talking to this person, that person keeps you happy. You think about the person everyday). Even so, you feel happy. Now that the person is gone in your life, how would you feel? Would you feel upset? That there's no one else to keep you going.

I know I am whinging/complaining/being ridiculous, but I am currently going through a lot right now. Many thoughts keep impinging on my mind, and I can only think of one reason. This place that I am in right now does not have that person to keep me going in uni. That person does not have to be a bf. It can be a very good friend who could have my back anytime. And I miss Singapore. Esp with all the hangouts, all the friends I can call with just one phonecall away, conversations that I can be comfortable with.

Another thought: I will try to have your back when you need me, but will you be willing to have my back when I need one? That does not only include writing comments on my blog. But sensing I am upset and accompanying me for lunch, even spending just one hour talking to me, having lunch with me, and letting me know that one hour is worth it compared to watching your drama serials, spending time with your bf/gf, doing other stuffs which you really like?