Revaluation of my life...

Aussie idol was great today. Good performances by Damien, Ricky, Chris and Jessica. My 1st time watching Arias (An aussie music awards ceremony). All the songs and bands have funny names, like wolfmother, rougue traders, tv rock. Haha, there's even a song called "moo, the choir" or something like that.

with the help of yen, my lezzie partner, who was with me when the incident at nb 2 days ago, and a call to maggy, my good friend in spore, i feel much better now. I think I can set my mind to close the case. After putting down the phone with mag, I finally thought, hey, the other person whom I saw that day is what God has planned to be in "that person's" life. And God has other plans for me. So I shouldnt be upset over something that wasnt meant to be mine in the 1st place. But like I said, I'm glad that the person has been in my life in 2006.

Anyways, been thinking a lot for the past 2 days. How my life has ended up the way it has. Somehow, opportunities hasnt been knocking on my door for the past 2 years. I did learn a lot; from the people I have to live with and communicate with is indeed different from my friends and family who were clearly in my comfort zone; for the past 3 years, I was put in a situation that wouldnt have happened when I was back in spore. I can daresay I was being put last in other people's mind. People wasnt willing to help when I was in dire straits. When I had to pick myself up, when I was forced to use rationality to overcome the emotion that I felt, and mind you, I am a pretty emotional person. When I really needed help, I could feel no one helping me. When I needed emotional support, I could turn to no one. No one could offer me the perfect solution, the kind of support that really comforted me after talking to the person. There was close to zero social life. I could count the amount of times I went to the cinema to watch a movie with my fingers. Similarly, I could count the amount of times there was a gathering, where I could thourougly enjoy myself, and be myself. There were times where I had coffee with amanda and Joanne, and it was all within the vincinity of my house. 5 mins walk to Tiamos or Terrazza.

Sometimes I really wonder how life has progressed for me in Perth. Particularly Perth. Wanting to be more involved in the Australian culture; wanting to go places, wanting to see more things, wanting life to be more exciting, fulfilling. Instead, life became more boring. My sole purpose this year was just to study and get good grades, and it ended up being going to uni and back home. And uni's just 10 mins walk away from home.

The purpose of this blog is not to complain how boring Perth is, or how boring I've made it out to be. The purpose of this entry is to really rethink being in perth. No doubt, I've made some good friends, I've grown, I've matured, I've suffered more hardships and learned more things. But somehow, this is not the life of an overseas student I've made out to be. Wanting more distinctions has not been my sole purpose in life. Wanting to go out more, meet new people, travel more, have more gatherings, movie sessions in the cinema, more coffee hangouts, go for rock concerts with friends. Perth seemed to be hindering life for me. I feel like I am gonna explode. Like what Bernice told me a few months ago, "its like you cannot truly be Nicole in Perth" Yes, its like I have something to offer, but no one in perth seems to take notice. Less and less people seemed to be appreciative of the things I do, less people seem to really like the person I am, less people seem not to enjoy my company. Which brings me back to my question. Is is because I have not found the right group of friends over here? Or is it just Perth? Is it time to move on to some other places where I can grow?

However, I've not completed what I set out to do. I've not graduated with a degree yet. I've not completed my studying cycle. And I do like the degree that UWA's offering me. I love what I am doing. I love doing psychology. It keeps me sane. It reminds me of what I can give to people when I graduate with this degree. Accounting was the best choice I've chosen out of my commerce degree. Its stable, relatively in high demand. At least I can tell myself, I can partially support my sister through uni, I can relieve my parents of the financial burden, and being the eldest child, I can at least tell myself that I have fulfiled the obligations as a child.

But the process of getting this degree is killing me. The very things that keep me alive, the company that keeps me going is not there. And I tell myself there are 2 ways I can go: either change to a better place where I feel happier, or change circumstances in perth so that I can be happier. I havent decided which route I should take for next year, but I am seriously going to give it some thought during the summer holidays. Its time I give a revaluation to my life....