feeling like shit...

I am not feeling like shit today because its valentines day. I am blogging about it because it has been an accumulation of an all time low since monday. Its been freaking 4 days but i still cant get over it.

I just finished my internship. I feel like i am leading a meaningless life. I kept thinking in the past when I was in primary school, secondary school, and jc, my life revolved around school work. School in the morning, homework afternoon, homework night. In jc, sleep became a luxury. Now that i am in uni, i feel that i have all the time in the world. And I wondered how i actually survived my last holiday. I was doing absoultely nothing, but time still seemed to pass pretty well.

I guess i'm in a very different phase of life now. I'm entering a new phase, yet it doesnt seem well. U know, in the past, everyone graduates with you. Siqiao, Jingping, Aiwen and I graduate from primary school together. Weitian, Meixian, Kaili, Maggy, Waner, Steffi, Wanlin, Siyun, and all the other e3 dogs and me graduate from secondary school together. Peiyu and Steph and I graduate from JC together. And me, me alone, graduate all by myself in 5 months time. A double degree, something to celebrate, but then in the meantime, i'm all alone. Most of my friends have started working and have gone into the working phase. Tired is the word they say. Wake up in the morning, wash up, have breakfast, take the train/bus to work, work, eat lunch, work, knock off, maybe sometimes OT, then come home, have dinner, shower, maybe surf net, exercise or watch tv, then its time for bed. The routine continues. Everyone feels sian. Everyone feels tired. Hardly anyone has the mood nor the energy to go out like me.

What about the ppl in my uni? Most of the ISS ppl are either in msia or in perth. My MBGU? half in msia half in perth. The one in Singapore? Stupid me do stupid things which ended up me not talking to that person for 2 weeks. Shit. I am always doing things that make myself suffer. ONly now i realised i really need that friend. But i told myself 2 weeks not to contact that person. So shit. Shouldnt have done that. Wanted to shout and say i regret. Our friendship means everything to me and i am really grateful for that person's company. Shit. Now i feel all empty and alone.

10 more days to go before i fly back... i have absolutely no idea how to feel now. Uncertainties. I hate uncertainties.